How to give a cat a pill - ModernCamaro.com - 5th Generation Camaro Enthusiasts
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post #1 of 13 Old 04-10-2011, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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How to give a cat a pill

>
> How to Give a Cat a Pill
>
> 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
> holding a baby.
>
>
>
> Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and
> gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As
> cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
>
> Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
>
>
> 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
>
>
>
> Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process..
>
>
> 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
>
>
>
>
> 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
> paws tightly with left hand.
>
>
>
> Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
> Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
>
>
> 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
>
>
>
>
>
> Call spouse in from the garden.
>
>
>
> 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and
> rear paws.
>
>
>
> Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with
> one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler
> and rub cat's throat vigorously.
>
>
>
> 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
>
>
> Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair
> curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth
> and set to one side for gluing later.
>
>
>
> 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just
> visible from below armpit..
>
>
>
> Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and
> blow down drinking straw
>
>
>
> 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one
> beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove
> blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
>
>
>
> 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
>
>
>
> Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close
> door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert
> spoon.. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
>
>
> 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
> hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
>
>
>
> Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last
> tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back
> another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
>
>
> 12. Call fire department to retrieve the **** cat from the top of the
> tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence
> while swerving to avoid cat.
>
>
>
> Take last pill from foil wrap.
>
>
> 13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s
> front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of
> dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet
> steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of
> water down throat to wash pill down.
>
>
>
>
>
> 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
> emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
> and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
> home to order new table.
>
>
>
> 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
> pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
>
>
>
>
> How To Give A Dog A Pill
>
> 1. Wrap it in bacon.
>
> 2. Toss it in the air.

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post #2 of 13 Old 04-10-2011, 05:44 PM
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That was TOOOOO FUNNNY!!!!!


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post #3 of 13 Old 04-10-2011, 06:03 PM
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Sounds a lot like my efforts one time....I said one! Left out the part about the poor waterbed though.


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post #4 of 13 Old 04-10-2011, 06:41 PM
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"All alone in my funeral home, playing in blood, there's just got to be something wrong with me" -Slayer-
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post #5 of 13 Old 04-10-2011, 06:46 PM
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Thanks!!


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post #6 of 13 Old 04-11-2011, 05:56 AM
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Hilarious, that made my Monday morning. Thanks.


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post #7 of 13 Old 04-11-2011, 06:33 AM
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As someone with 3 cats...I can relate!! This is hilarious and I had to remind myself that I'm reading this at work so I couldn't laugh to loud.
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post #8 of 13 Old 04-11-2011, 07:19 AM
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LOL, good one!

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post #9 of 13 Old 04-11-2011, 08:45 AM
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You haven't tried giving my dog a pill she'll go nuts


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post #10 of 13 Old 04-11-2011, 10:36 PM
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That was great!! Thats why im a dog person.

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