I hope many will see, and enjoy the humor in these actual questions some Mod's from various forums have had to endure.....
Q. Can I trust a moderator's advice when their spelling seems bad enough to doubt their ability?
A. Yes, and No. Your machine WILL operate correctly afterwards, but will soon strangely begin to misspell words for you too. When you run your spell checker you will discover it also has been corrupted. Those are your choices.
Q. Why did I just spend 3 days and 20 messages with one Moderator without success and another came along and quickly solved my problem with just 1 answer?
A. Because you finally gave the correct info on the problem that pointed to a solution, but thanks for keeping up the suspense for so long not to mention the obvious diss.
Q. How many ways can the same question be asked?
A. We don't know; a limit has not yet been established.
Q. If I post my message multiple times in a forum will I get noticed quicker?
A. Yes, but not until we finish deleting all your duplications so there aren't 10 threads going on about the same problem.
Q. How many moderators does it take before I can get an answer to my question?
A. Increase your chances. Ask an intelligent question with some supporting info.
Q. WILL I GET NOTICED QUICKER IF I TYPE ALL IN CAPS WITH EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!
A. Yeah, but not the way you wanted.
Q. Where can I complain about a Moderator?
A. Why not try doing it to the last one you insulted.
Q. Why didn't anyone contact me at my email address as requested about my posted problem?
A. Because we are using Outlook and it is infested with Trojans and viruses. You can be sure that for you we will do that next time. By the way, thanks for another valid email address that we can add to the others we sell to spammers. We need all the financial help we can get.
Q. I've asked this question in 5 different forums and in each one I got different answers.
A. So what? Try them all, one of them might work!
Q. I've asked this question in 5 different forums and keep getting the same answer and it is wrong.
A. No, YOU are wrong. Now quit lying and go do it!
Q. I did what you said and now it works. Is there anything else I need to do?
A. What do you think? Give it some time; I'm sure it will come to you.
Q. When I come to the forums I keep having a problem getting pages to download? Does my computer have a problem?
A. Why...uh...Yes! FDISK, FORMAT, and reload Windows. Contact us if you have any problems.
Q. Why did I get different answers to my question from 3 different moderators of a forum?
A. We do this at times to confuse people. It's our sense of high humor. It's multiple choice, take a guess on the correct reply.
Q. I got the same answer from 3 different moderators, but my buddy says they are wrong and says to fix my problem this way? What should I do?
A. By all means, do what your buddy told you. He will be pleased and you certainly deserve it.
Q. I found the answer to my problem, but it wasn't your suggestions. Thanks anyway!
A1. Well gee thanks for not telling us what it was! We love to be left hanging this way.
A2. LIAR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE!!
Q: : Is it possible to sleep with an open Forum's window?
A: Yes, it's possible if there is nobody else to sleep with.
Q: We are told that the access problem solving is almost accomplished. Then, what is a horizon?
A: Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.
Q: Is it possible to solve a problem which has no solution?
A: We don't answer questions related to Forums.
Q: Is it true that every Forums member dreams becoming a Moderator?
A: No, our members are not that stupid. They know that Moderators may be MIA even in the bottom's position of Top Discussions.
Q: Will the Police still exist when TOS is entirely respected ?
A: Of course, not. By that time, all members will have learned how to censor themselves.
Q: What is the duration of the workday for a Moderator ?
A: Of course, it's ten-hour workday. From ten a.m. to ten p.m.
Q: Are there questions you can't answer?
A: No, because for every question we can give any answer.
Q: Why do I keep getting these messages on my screen?
A: Because the computer is trying to send you a message to repackage it and take it back to the store for a refund, while you take up the new, I.Q. appropriate sport of finger-painting.
Q: Well, if you think you're so right, how come the other Moderator over in the _______ Forum didn't agree with you and came up with a different answer to my question?
A: Couldn't be because you changed the facts entirely there (including your computer make and OS) and actually added in the specific symptoms, which I've been asking you to do for a month, could it? Nah. . .
Q: Every time I ask this question, you guys keep giving me the same answer, what's up with that? I still think it is something else.
A: Couldn't be because that IS the right answer, could it? Nah. . . Actually, we WERE able to duplicate your results and come to a different conclusion, but are unable to post the details right now. The moderator that did that experiment is now in rehab in the Betty Ford Clinic after his severe overdose on marijuana and speed while trying to duplicate your conditions.
Q: Why did you tell me not to post my home Email address here, when I do it all the time over in ________ Forum and the moderator there never tells me not to?
A: I'm new here. He must hate you more than I do - so far.
Q: Is it considered improper and a waste of forum space to say thank-you to the moderator for helping me with my problems?
A: Saying something nice to someone who has helped you is NEVER a waste of space.